Roadage

Because of the nature of my occupation, I get to spend a lot of time behind the wheel, driving around this very beautiful island called Guam. With that in mind, there are a couple of things that have been bothering me lately that I thought I would air out. Little annoyances that make the travel irritating and many times frustrating.

20 People in the Back of a Pickup Truck
The cops here are death on driving with your seatbelt on and having your kids strapped down in child safety seats, but don’t say shit about a pickup going down the road with 10 Chamorro’s or 15 Chinese hanging out the back of it. It may sound cruel, but if I ever hear of an accident involving someone falling out of a pickup and getting run over, I’m gonna laugh my ass off.

Speed Limits
If the speed limit on a particular piece of road is 25 MPH, that doesn’t mean you should drive 15 MPH. Whether or not you know it or not, you will be cursed at loudly and your heritage and IQ will be called into question. The same goes for someone who drives 5 MPH below the posted speed limit and camps out in the fast lane, knowing that they will eventually need to make a left turn sometime during this decade. Then they have the utter nerve to give you a dirty look as you pass them on the right.

Rain
It rains here nearly every day during the rainy season and a couple of times a week when it isn’t. Still, some of my fellow drivers act like it’s the first time you have ever had to drive a car when there is precipitation. There is a word for what some of you would be if you grew up where I grew up and drive so horribly when there’s a little water in the air, and that word is DEAD.

Construction
Thanks ever so much, Government of Guam, for scheduling all of the road construction projects to take place simultaneously. Admittedly, with the roads here being worse than most Third World countries I have been to, at least you’re making an effort to fix some of the major ones up. Still, the question needs to be asked: how about completing one project before you start another one. You bastards are great at starting a project, but suck carabao balls about completing them. The construction at the Wusstig Road intersection, the Three Corners intersection in Barrigada, Bellow Road, all keep dragging on and on. Like someone is trying to insure that their grandchildren will be able to nail down a job on one of the crews. Focus your manpower on one project at a time and get the shit done, forthwith, before digging up the road in another place.

Right Turns
Why is it that so many of my fellow citizens’ struggle with a simple thing like making a right turn? You have to slow down so slow as to the car barely moving to complete this horribly complicated maneuver? It really is quite simple folks. Slow down a little, turn the fucking wheel, complete the turn.

Texting
Guess what, folks? It’s illegal to text while driving. Some of you still haven’t gotten the message, and try to do both things at the same time.

These are but a few of the things that this grumpy middle-aged man notices when traveling the highways and byways here on Guam, “Where America’s Day Begin”.

Politicians, Religious Fanatics, and Minor Bitching

Notes, ponderings, and miscellaneous musings from this thing known as The Guam Desk, or as it is informally known, “The Desk”.

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Maybe I’m just middle aged and cranky, or I didn’t get the memo, but when did it become fashionable to misspell? I realize that some people are horrible spellers, but it just seems to me that people are going out of their way to spell shit wrong, especially on the Internet. If you have a real problem with spelling, that’s one thing. That’s what spell-check and dictionaries are for. If not and you think it makes you sound cool, I have news for you; it makes you sound retarded.

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The primary election was held last Saturday here on Guam. Now that both parties have selected their respective candidates, we’re in the wind down to the general election. I for one am sick of all the politicians bombarding us with their bullshit. It’s everywhere you look, and you can’t escape it even if you try.

As far as I’m concerned, both parties and their candidates can kiss my hairy white ass, but especially those who are running for governor. I had to get bad-mannered with a guy not long ago when I told him that I didn’t want the literature he was passing out at my door, and no, he couldn’t come in my house to discuss politics. They’re worse than the damn religious zealots who appear at my door spewing their particular variety of gibberish.

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Speaking of religious fanatics, we had one of them at our door recently as well. I don’t know what group she was from, but she made it seem like the world would end if I didn’t allow her to come in and discuss her horseshit. Very sad looking woman, especially when I cut her off and told her we weren’t interested.

Maybe I need to hang a sign on our door that says “No Politicians or Religious Fanatics”. And if you are going to come door-to-door talking about religion, at least make it look like you’re happy in your faith. This woman looked like someone just killed and ate her dog and then sold her children into slavery, she was so gloomy and depressing.

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Every single time I start bitching about life here on Guam, I take a drive past Hagatna Bay (it’s my route to work) and everything suddenly seems OK. The water was really blue this morning on the way in. The area around Talofofo and Umatac is also insanely beautiful.

Wishing each and all a wonderful weekend.

New Site

Future home to all my Guam Desk blogs, which will be about items directly related to Life on Guam.