Roadage

Because of the nature of my occupation, I get to spend a lot of time behind the wheel, driving around this very beautiful island called Guam. With that in mind, there are a couple of things that have been bothering me lately that I thought I would air out. Little annoyances that make the travel irritating and many times frustrating.

20 People in the Back of a Pickup Truck
The cops here are death on driving with your seatbelt on and having your kids strapped down in child safety seats, but don’t say shit about a pickup going down the road with 10 Chamorro’s or 15 Chinese hanging out the back of it. It may sound cruel, but if I ever hear of an accident involving someone falling out of a pickup and getting run over, I’m gonna laugh my ass off.

Speed Limits
If the speed limit on a particular piece of road is 25 MPH, that doesn’t mean you should drive 15 MPH. Whether or not you know it or not, you will be cursed at loudly and your heritage and IQ will be called into question. The same goes for someone who drives 5 MPH below the posted speed limit and camps out in the fast lane, knowing that they will eventually need to make a left turn sometime during this decade. Then they have the utter nerve to give you a dirty look as you pass them on the right.

Rain
It rains here nearly every day during the rainy season and a couple of times a week when it isn’t. Still, some of my fellow drivers act like it’s the first time you have ever had to drive a car when there is precipitation. There is a word for what some of you would be if you grew up where I grew up and drive so horribly when there’s a little water in the air, and that word is DEAD.

Construction
Thanks ever so much, Government of Guam, for scheduling all of the road construction projects to take place simultaneously. Admittedly, with the roads here being worse than most Third World countries I have been to, at least you’re making an effort to fix some of the major ones up. Still, the question needs to be asked: how about completing one project before you start another one. You bastards are great at starting a project, but suck carabao balls about completing them. The construction at the Wusstig Road intersection, the Three Corners intersection in Barrigada, Bellow Road, all keep dragging on and on. Like someone is trying to insure that their grandchildren will be able to nail down a job on one of the crews. Focus your manpower on one project at a time and get the shit done, forthwith, before digging up the road in another place.

Right Turns
Why is it that so many of my fellow citizens’ struggle with a simple thing like making a right turn? You have to slow down so slow as to the car barely moving to complete this horribly complicated maneuver? It really is quite simple folks. Slow down a little, turn the fucking wheel, complete the turn.

Texting
Guess what, folks? It’s illegal to text while driving. Some of you still haven’t gotten the message, and try to do both things at the same time.

These are but a few of the things that this grumpy middle-aged man notices when traveling the highways and byways here on Guam, “Where America’s Day Begin”.